Panem Facebook: Fights and Fantasies
by MissBunburyHope
Summary: What happens when all the characters from the Hunger Games meet in one place: Facebook? What kind of madness will occur as the dead, the Victors and all those in between finally meet? I tell you that there will be catostrophic parties, peetarrifc baking and finntastic fights. Read on to find out more... And points to whoever can guess the password!
1. Chapter 1 The Catostrophic Party Invite

**Panem Facebook**

**_The Catostrophic Killer from District Two_**

_I'm obviously Cato from District Two. The sexy killing machine. At eighteen years old, I should have won the 74th Hunger Games until the stupid, fake star-crossed lovers got in my way. Am I in a relationship, I hear you ask as I know you pray I'm not…? Well, I'm not saying I am free but I'm not saying I'm not; I'm up for anything!_

I roll my eyes as I stare at the introduction, my gaze then moving down to the message that popped up a minute ago from _The Catostrophic Killer from District Two_, that says, "_PARTY AT MINE TONIGHT! For those who know the password anyway…_"

Oh, come on. Passwords were for when you were six years old and you had a secret language with your best friends. Who still has one?

I am answered when _The Only Marvellous Tribute from One_ replies two minutes later with a simple: "_Good plan._"

Maybe it's a Career thing...?

A Seventy Fourth Hunger Games' Career thing, I decide when _It's Mellarkable what that Peetalicious Baker Makes_ joins in the conversation. "_Sounds like a peetarrific idea, Cato! :D_"

God, that boy's stupid. What kind of name is that? And those words he's made up aren't even clever in the slightest…

I show my feelings when I say in the same minute, "_Seriously, Peeta?_"

If he comes up with some witty comeback I may have to go around to his house and tell him what I really think-

_The Catostrophic Killer from District Two_'s comment cuts off my thoughts when his comment pops onto the screen a minute later. "_You're not coming tonight._"

A simple comment that makes me stare at shock in the screen, my breath caught in my throat. I soon recover though because it's not like I wanted to go anyway…

Despite my feelings, I can't help but ask, "_Why not?_"

Before Cato has had the chance to reply, the stupidly named baker's next comment is there to agree with me. "_Yeah, Cato, why can't she come?_"

This is one of those very few times when I _must_ agree with the boy.

I seriously am glad in this moment that the computer is attached to the floor in the moment when I read, "_She doesn't know the password._"

Okay, fine, it's true. BUT I'M NOT A KID WITH A SECRET LANGUAGE! And I'm sure it was something pointless like 'Katniss-Everdeen-is-going-to-die-pretty-soon' anyway.

Growl. Damn you, Peeta. You're meant to be on my side.

"_He's got a point, sweetie. He did specify that you could only go under the condition that you knew the password._"

Why don't you tell me the password then, Mr Mellark?

Desperate for them to not know that I think they're right, I simply write: "_…_" then "_Shut up._"

That wasn't giving anything away, was it?

Changing the subject completely, of course not to my relief or anything, _Two's Clovely Knife Thrower_ says simply, "_I'm confused._"

_The Catostrophic Killer from District Two_ quickly (and by quick, I mean ten seconds quick) replies, "_Why's that, babe?_"

Is he merely sitting at his computer, waiting for a reply? Not that that's just what I'm doing.

_Two's Clovely Knife Thrower_ asks, "_Are you in a relationship with me, or not?_"

That's a good question. I didn't assume Cato to be the guy to engage in a human relationship as I thought he'd have a better one with his sword but, maybe I'm wrong...

_Effie Trinket _joins in as she adds, "_That's a good point. Are you in a relationship?_"

No point me saying my opinion...

_The Catostrophic Killer from District Two_ actually answers Clove's question...kinda. "_I never said I wasn't in a relationship… And I'm definitely not offering to be in one with the pink grandmother from the Capitol. But I know that there were at least thirteen tributes in the 74th Games that liked me._"

Woah! Nice one. Cato will be sure to regret that. But thirteen…

I couldn't help but voice my suspicions. "_Peeta…?_"

_It's Mellarkable what that Peetalicious Baker Makes_ sheepishly replies a minute later. "_Wasn't me…_"

I don't whether or not I should or want to believe him...

_Effie Trinket_ finally sums the courage up to speak to Cato after his _appalling_ comment, after two minutes of her silence. "_Now that's just bad manners! (to Cato, not Peeta, darling)_"

Effie's back. And I make it obvious when I say, "_Awkward… Don't go around offending Haymitch's princess, someone will always get you for it._"

I think that got my warning across.

Minutes after the question was first asked, _The Most Glimmerous Girl Ever! Xxx_ appears. "_Cato's not in a relationship with you because he's in one with me._"

I wouldn't want to be Cato now…

_Two's Clovely Knife Thrower_, clearly not impressed to say the least, tries to stay calm. "_Back off, Glimmer, Cato's mine._"

Somehow, I feel that Cato's just going to encourage this.

"_HELL NO!  
It's Climmer forever!_" is _The Most Glimmerous Girl Ever! Xxx_'s answer.

Showing his lack of knowledge for real fake names, _It's Mellarkable what that Peetalicious Baker Makes_ asks, "_Climmer?_"

I wait for a minute for someone to reply but no one does. Does no one else want to explain it to him? Does it really have to be up to me?

"_It's a couple name, Peeta. Cato+gLIMMER_"

_It's Mellarkable what that Peetalicious Baker Makes_ now just supports my initial thought that he was still immature. "_Would that make our couple name Peeniss?! PEEta+katNISS? :'D Xxxx_"

I'm not even going to bother… Shoot me now.

I'm just glad that few people have managed this technology until '_The Catostrophic Killer from District Two likes this comment_' flashes onto the screen, followed by his quick comment: "_That's inappropriate._"

It's as if they know exactly what to say in this circumstance as _It's Mellarkable what that Peetalicious Baker Makes_ soon comments again. "_But kiiiiinda funny ;)_"

As I stop myself laughing, I decide that most definitely wasn't funny in any shape or form. He shouldn't be encouraged.

_Two's Clovely Knife Thrower_, seemingly oblivious to the immaturity of two of the boys in the conversation, carries on the argument that she had already begun. "_Ahem, who dies first?_"

Eventually, _The Most Glimmerous Girl Ever! Xxx_ replies. "_…  
That's completely irrelevant. In the time that you and he were alone together, there was no love._"

Probably not completely true...

_Two's Clovely Knife Thrower_ seems to agree with my private thoughts when she voices them out loud. "_How would you know? If I remember correctly, you were killed by some bees._"

_The Most Glimmerous Girl Ever! Xxx_ seems shocked by the accusation but it's right. "_BEES?! No. They were more than bees. You wouldn't have lasted as long as I did surrounded by those 'bees'._"

Errrr… How exactly did she get surrounded by the tracker jackers…? Not my fault, really!

_Two's Clovely Knife Thrower_ simply reasons, "_But I did._"

She did. So did I!

_District Eleven is Never Rue'd_ (WHAT IS IT WITH ALL THE STUPID NAMES?!) joins in too, obviously braver than me in this moment. "_I survived and I was actually the first one to notice them! :D_"

Awww Rue, always so happy!

Completely different to me when _The Catostrophic Killer from District Two_ announces, "_YOU'RE COMING TO THE PARTY TONIGHT!_"

WHAT THE-? How come she can get in but I can't?! LIFE'S NOT FAIR!

_The Most Glimmerous Girl Ever! Xxx_, desperate not to be proved wrong even though it seems she is, decides, "_Ha. You weren't as surrounded as me. They just saw me and couldn't help themselves._"

_Two's Clovely Knife Thrower_ easily comes up with a retort. "_They were all too scared off me, went for the easier target._"

Or she just ran away quicker...?

_The Most Glimmerous Girl Ever! Xxx_ tries to reply, "_Oooh come on! You were the one who couldn't even kill a girl quickly. You took your time, didn't you?_"

Bad memories. The only girl Clove didn't manage to kill was me.

_Two's Clovely Knife Thrower_ doesn't give up with her easy answers. "_At least I killed someone. What exactly can you do again?_"

_The Most Glimmerous Girl Ever! Xxx_ boasts, "_I can fire arrows. Admittedly, they don't always hit the target. But still -.-_"

I laugh in your face! I can hit the target. Woop woop!

_Two's Clovely Knife Thrower_ argues, "_My knives always hit the target._"

I swear Glimmer's just giving her simple things to reply to.

_The Most Glimmerous Girl Ever! Xxx_ comments after a long pause, "_Well, in that case I need Cato more than you. PROTECTION!_"

I don't think it works quite like that...

...Something _Two's Clovely Knife Thrower_ once again agrees to. "_Cato doesn't like being a bodyguard, he needs someone who's as good as him, and I don't think that's you._"

_The Most Glimmerous Girl Ever! Xxx_ asks, perhaps to gain herself points, "_As good as him in fighting? Or just in general?_"

_Two's Clovely Knife Thrower_ answers, "_As good as him at everything._"

_The Most Glimmerous Girl Ever! Xxx _disagrees with: "_No. Having a girl that is a as good as him at fighting would be demoralising._"

_Two's Clovely Knife Thrower_ informs the other of the fact, "_Not for him, he likes a challenge. And he won't get that with you, will he?_"

_The Most Glimmerous Girl Ever! Xxx_ decides, "_Oh trust me. He'll get a challenge!_"

Woah. Tense cyber battle there.

"_How are you finding this, Cato?_" I ask when neither add anything further.

_The Catostrophic Killer from District Two_ obviously doesn't care what's happening. "_I'm loving this ;) popcorn?_"

_It's Mellarkable what that Peetalicious Baker Makes_ must think this is an improper comment because he suddenly interrupts. "_*cough*flirt*cough*_"

Yes! You go, Peeta. You tell him that!

_The Catostrophic Killer from District Two_ must be laughing at his attempt of hidden meaning and, to be honest, I am too. "_You alright, lover boy? Oh yeah, Katniss, I'm bored of you guessing the password._"

What's he playing at? So I must add, "_I wasn't guessing._"

_The Catostrophic Killer from District Two_ argues, "_You secretly were._"

"_Nope._" is my reply.

_Odair's the Finntastic Sex God of Panem_ jumps into the conversation. "_I'M COMING! :D_"

_The Catostrophic Killer from District Two_ backs him up, saying, "_Finnick is coming too. You know you really want to come too now._"

I am the most emotional person ever as I say, "_I don't._"

I don't know either why he's desperate for me to come.

_The Catostrophic Killer from District Two_ admits something, causing my mouth to drop open, "_Damn. I want you to come._"

His comment is followed almost instantly by comments from: _It's Mellarkable what that Peetalicious Baker Makes_, _The Most Glimmerous Girl Ever! Xxx_, _Two's Clovely Knife Thrower_, _Effie Trinket_ and eventually _Gale Hawthorne_.

"_YOU'RE NOT TAKING MY GIRL ON A DATE! :O_"

"_I'M MEANT TO BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND!_"

"_HOW LONG HAVE WE BEEN FRIENDS WITHOUT YOU TAKING ME TO A PARTY THAT YOU NEED PERMISSION TO GO TO?!_"

"_I AM SO MUCH BETTER THAN HER AND SHE'S ALREADY PART OF THE STAR-CROSSED LOVERS!_"

"_I've got to agree with everyone else. Katniss, I'll keep you company tonight because I won't be going tonight either._"

I quickly hit a button and relief floods over me as a message appears:

_Katniss Everdeen has left the chat._

* * *

**A/N: ****Hope you like this first chapter and review to let me know. The little "exchange" between Clove/Glimmer was an actual conversation between two of my friends on the way to my Hunger Games party on Saturday ;) I wonder if any of you know the password (POINT TO THOSE WHO CAN GET THE PASSWORD IN LESS THAN TEN MINUTES OF BEGINNING THIS CHAPTER) or understand the reference I put it in there somewhere...**

**Note: This is a rewrite of the original first chapter because the original format was not allowed. But I think the actual words are the same...**


	2. Chapter2 District Three's Beeteeful Wizz

**Chapter Two: ****District Three's Beeteeful Wire Whizz**

Hurling my practically empty hunting bag onto the kitchen table, I collapse into the sofa, my fingers flying around the laptop keyboard; an unusual enthusiasm gripping my senses. No sooner than my password is entered, my eyes settle upon a notification:

"**_District Three's Beeteeful Wire Whizz _**_has sent you a friend request"_

Ugh. What is it with these ridiculous names? As I accept his request, perhaps out of pity, I scan Beetee's introduction.

"_Hello there, my name is Beetee – I'm sure you'll recognise me as the second male victor from District Three. Yes, that utterly dashing chap. *pushes glasses further up his nose* Although I do not currently partake in the honour of holy matrimony, I am completely devoted to one love: electronics (far less complicated than women, I find). Wires, switches, and flashdrives – they are my life's passion!"_

I shake my head. Somehow I've found the heart to appreciate and even love his geekiness; and believe me, that took a lot of hard work and willpower.

Scrolling down the page, a new comment appears. One from none other than **_Odair's the Finntastic Sex God of Panem_**_. _It reads, "_Beetee, my favourite old fart! 'Sup? I was toning my biceps just now, when a thought crossed my mind," _wow, I think to myself, that's a rare occurrence, "_what is a flashdrive?"_

Beetee replies in an instant, "_Uhh... Hello Finnick, you've certainly come to the right fellow with that invigorating question. A flashdrive is used to transfer information and documents from one device to another; more commonly known as a 'dongle' I believe."_

"_Really?"_ comes Finnick's response_ "I happen to have one of those! Actually, I am known throughout Panem for the impressive size of my dongle... ;D" _I can't help rolling my eyes.

Oh Finnick, he's such a flirt... Even, it seems, with males now? As I draw in breath, attempting to remove that disturbing thought from my mind, a tsunami of likes flood the screen: "**_Two's Clovely Knife Thrower_**_,__** The Most Glimmerous Girl Ever! Xxx**__,__** The Increstable Miss Cresta, Her Madgesty of District Twelve**__,__**District Eleven is never Rue'd**__,__** The Ever-Effiecient Trinket **__and__** Johanna Mason **__like this comment". _But not me. No. I absolutely refuse to be sucked in by him; those strikingly gorgeous eyes, that flawless tanned skin and his...'impressive' dongle. No, it just doesn't do it for me. Anyway, why would I need him when I have Gale and Peeta?

I'm brought back to earth by Beetee's reply, "_Yes, so I've heard from the wealthy Capitol women... Not that I openly discuss your dongle with strangers, of course."_

"_I do. On a regular basis, in fact." _says Finnick_._

Without a moment's hesitation, **_The Ever-Effiecient Trinket _**posts a response, "_I'd certainly like to hear about your dongle sometime, Finnick. How about tomorrow evening, honey? I'll be waiting for you..."_

I allow myself to laugh, how will our resident sex god escape from this? I know from experience that Effie isn't one to give up without a fight.

After a second, he comes up with his excuse; "_*shudders* Ermm... I'd love to Effie, honestly I would, but... You see, I appear to have lost that famous dongle of mine at the moment, so I'm afraid we'll have to call our little meeting off for now."_

"Really? Is that the best you can come up with?" I ask the computer screen, knowing full well that Finnick can't hear me. **_The Ever-Effiecient Trinket_**, however,appears to buy it, answering simply with "_That's a great shame, darling. But don't worry, I'm ready when you are ;)" _I may require a sick bucket very shortly if this continues. I guess you've got to admire Effie's persistence though. Maybe.

The conversation grinds to a halt following Effie's worrying input, which I guess is a good thing; especially if your name's Finnick Odair.

I'm about to log off and make myself a drink, when something flashes onto on Beetee's wall; a message that makes my jaw drop. "Katniss says Gale's dongle is bigger than mine :(" announces **_It's Mellarkable what that Peetalicious Baker Makes_**_._ Nice one, Peeta.

**_Gale Hawthorne _**and **_Odair's the Finntastic Sex God of Panem_** apparently find this comment amusing, judging by their automatic likes on Peeta's statement. I, on the other hand, am not so pleased. "_Is that right, Lover Boy?" _I retort, a slight anger beginning to bubble within me.

"_Yes, my loaf. You told me on the Victory Tour, remember? I don't see anything wrong with my dongle though, I suppose it's not used enough for me to notice any problems..."_ His innocence is actually infuriating.

"_Well," _types **_The Catostrophic Killer from District Two_** in response, _"no one likes a small dongle now, do they?"_

Still seething inside, I type my comeback; "_The less said about yours the better then, ehh Cato?" _I sit back in my seat, a sense of pride sinking in as a smug smile occupies my lips. "That should shut him up," I tell Buttercup, who simply blinks his repulsive yellow eyes at me and stalks off with a blank expression across his furry face.

During my brief encounter with Prim's cat, my comment has received likes from various tributes across Panem. Cato takes another few minutes to formulate a witty counter attack, eventually moving the forward conversation with "_Oh I beg to differ, Miss Everdeen. Feel free to check it out if you don't believe me...*wink wink*"_ The grin dissolves from my face as I wince at **_The Catostrophic Killer from District Two_**'s ghastly suggestion, unsure of how to answer.

"_Ahh Katniss, it's sounds like you're quite the expert on dongles. Maybe it's time you tried out mine, my sweet...? Go oooon... I'll give you all the sugar cubes you want!"_ I had a horrible feeling **_Odair's the Finntastic Sex God of Panem_** would get involved sooner or later.

After that, the comments just keep blinking onto the screen:

**_Eleven's Breath of Thresh Air:_** _ "I'm definitely up for it, Katniss..."_

**_The Only Marvellous Tribute from One: _**_"__How about it, Girl on Fire? I'll show you something truly hot ;)"_

**_Everyone Loves a Snowman:_** _"Oh hi, my little rebellion starter. I have a dongle going spare if you'd like to inspect it. Although, I warn you now it may be a little rusty..."_

And so it continues with even **_District Twelve's Needle and Thread_** offering me his dongle. A shiver runs down my spine, my mind overcome with disgust and utter humiliation.

I am going to kill a certain baker very soon.

The dongle requests are still arriving thick and fast when Peeta asks, _"Why would Katniss need your dongles when she already has mine? Surely her computer is only big enough for one..."_ I roll my eyes in disbelief. It's hard to believe that he's missed the blatantly obvious euphemism throughout this entire conversation. Honestly, I doubt he'd recognise a euphemism if it hit him square on the nose; I'm sure even little Posy can understand them.

"_We'll just have to see, won't we?" _teases Gale a minute later, I know there will be a broad grin on his face; contrasting with the scowl that has presented itself on mine. I'm losing my patience with these morons, even Gale seems intent on embarrassing me now. Time for me to set things straight, I think.

"_Right. All of you listen here." _I post as my evident fury begins to erupt, "_Firstly, I'd like to thank you, Peeta, for broadcasting your fantasies to the whole of Panem. When the hell did I tell you that? And more importantly, how would I know that in the first place? Y'know what? I'll answer those questions for you: I didn't tell you, because despite what you think, I really don't want to know any more about your dongle than I have to; you imagined the whole thing – IT WAS NOT REAL. Don't be surprised if I come into your bedroom this evening and batter you with a rolling pin as you sleep. Believe me; I am very tempted to right now. Secondly, to all of you who are trying to entice me with your dongles – I am not interested; whichever type of dongle you happen to be talking about. Either way, I really could not care less. And lastly, I'm going to apologise to Beetee, on behalf of all you imbeciles, for bombarding his wall with such this shocking conversation. Go and carry on with your childish exchange of 'wit' elsewhere. GOT IT!?"_ By the time I've finished my rant, I'm absolutely certain that there are clouds of smoke billowing from my ears.

"_Woah... Step back, guys." _comes **_The Only Marvellous Tribute from One's _**cautious response, I decide to go ahead and give him some credit for being the first person to gather enough courage to reply. But then thoughts of what he did to Rue return to my memory, and I swiftly change my mind, trying hard to shake off that haunting image.

Knowing that I've terrified some of Panem's supposedly toughest, and most famous, citizens gives me an odd sense of satisfaction. And I like it.

Though sadly my proud moment is shattered by Finnick's daring input: _"Perhaps its best we leave this dongle war for another day, guys... It seems that Katniss is suffering from a little too much PMT to be an honest judge..."_ Oh for the love of God.

It's not true, and I know it's not true; but I feel deeply mortified all the same. That's it, I tell myself, I'm done with all this crap.

Consumed with fury, but too exhausted think of a comeback for Finnick's remark, I simply allow my forehead to smack unceremoniously onto the keyboard, producing an ultimately pathetic thud. My final comment in this chat reads: "_yhuuyhhynbbbbbbbbbbbbbgfvhnb ju"._

After counting the numerous likes on my desperate plea for the conversation to end, I relieve myself of any further torture.

Logging out never felt so sweet.

* * *

**Author's Note: So this chapter is all credit to the _marvellous _RadMalfoyCookie ;D speaking of which, do any of you know the password that Cato introduced last chapter? PM me if you do so that you don't spoil it for others, mentioning no names *cough*birthday girl*cough*. HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN! :D xxxxxxx**


	3. Chapter 3 Fancy Some Peetalicious Bread

**Chapter Three-**

When I get in from hunting, I grab my laptop in one hand and turn it on as I wander upstairs. I balance it on my arm as I throw my hunting bag, now empty, in the cupboard, then glancing down to the page that comes up. It appears that everyone else has been on here for a while.

**_It's Mellarkable what that Peetalicious Baker Makes:_**

_I live in District Twelve, with my one and only true loaf, Katniss Everdeen, and our two children. Katniss and I won the 74th Hunger Games as the Star Crossed lovers of District Twelve, however we weren't so lucky with the next Games. Whilst I was in the Capitol, Katniss stayed loyal to me and she loafed me the whole time. Anyway, I bake some beeteeful breads as the most talented baker in my District, and bread is how I got my darling. _

I just find myself staring in shock at his paragraph as I slide onto the floor. He's so stupid! He knows I don't love him, or anyone else for that matter, yet he's still set on the idea that I do. And children? I swear the whole District knows I don't want children.

However, the first comment that followed Peeta's offer for bread for those with the password was from **_The Most Glimmerous Girl Ever! Xxx_**_ "I'd like three cakes, two boxes of cookies and a cupcake."_

_"Woah, having a party Glimmer?"** It's Mellarkable what that Peetalicious Baker Makes**_ quickly replied.

_"No, we Careers eat lots of food after going to a party and we've only had the chance to eat after the one from the other day... Of course there's another party." **The Catostrophic Killer from District Two**_ answered for Glimmer, when she didn't reply after a few minutes.

_"Oh, right... Do you want something then?"_ If he wasn't Peeta, I'd pity him. He sounds like a puppy dog with his tail in between his legs. He was always was the outcast with the Careers.

_"Yeah, put me down for a few loaves of bread. Don't mind what kind and how many, it's free for those with the password, isn't it?" **The Catostrophic Killer from District Two**_ had said.

_"I well- erm..."_ It was pretty obvious that the answer was no from his original statement, but when Cato could offer a sword to your neck, I don't think you have a choice.

Soon, **_The Prim and Proper Little Duck_** entered the conversation, saying, _"Peeta, Katniss always used to buy me your cookies, the ones with the orange flower on top. Could I maybe have a couple of those?"_ I smile at my little sister's comment. She is so sweet, wanting to have something from her childhood that reminds her of me.

_"I remember her buying those if she ever had some spare change, otherwise I'd give her one for you. She'd never accept one for herself."_ **_It's Mellarkable what that Peetalicious Baker Makes_** reminisced.

_"No, she never was one for charity."_ Agreed my little duck.

_"But, of course you can have the cookies."_ Promised **_It's Mellarkable what that Peetalicious Baker Makes_**.

_"Do you have any breads suitable for a hangover?"_ Asked **_Haymitch Abernathy_**.

_"Erm... I doughnut know about that. It never says under the breads "suitable for a hangover" unfortunately. And you doughnut know the password."_ **_It's Mellarkable what that Peetalicious Baker Makes_** admitted.

_"Well, I'll research it and then let you know."_ Haymitch typed _incredibly_ slowly.

I reach the end of the conversation and stare at the screen, taking in everything that's been said so far. When it sinks in, I throw my laptop across the room, it luckily landing on my bed, in frustration when I remember what I saw. Not one of them is about me and Peeta. I groan, collapsing onto my bed so I can type, _"Leave. Now."_

Pretty soon after, Peeta replies, _"I can't go anywhere, my loaf, this is my page after all. Xxxx" _He then adds,_ "Rye should I go anywhere anyway? Xxxx"_

_"One: I'm not a loaf of bread. Two: I don't LOVE you. Three: We definitely don't have one kid, let alone two."_ I'm trying to rant, but not as much as I want to because it may not be appropriate for him to read.

_"But you know you do! Doughnut tell our kids that you doughnut loaf me! Xxxx" _He attempts to cry out.

_"What did you just say?"_ I type gingerly.

_"That you're the most beeteeful girl ever in my life and I loaf you, and our children are as beeteeful as you and as mellarkable because they have your talents...? Xxxx" _He suggests.

_"Idiot."_ Is my comment, because I can't be bothered to think of something else to say, until I decide to follow up his first request on the page. _"Could I have some cheese buns?"_ I quickly backspace the "please" before sending.

_"Sorry, honey, I ran out yesterday. Xxxx"_ He types as slowly now as Haymitch did when he was drunk.

_"But you're offering to make some for people you don't care for as much as me, so why won't you for me?!"_ If I glance out of my window, I can even see him in the kitchen of his house, baking.

_"Okay, okay! Keep your hair on! Xxxx"_ He says. _"I'm sorry, my sweet muffin, I just doughnut want to lose you. Xxxx"_

_"You're more likely to lose me if you act like that."_ I point out something I thought was pretty obvious.

_"): I'm so sorry Katniss :( you just doughnut know the password... Xxxx"_ He replies.

The stupid password!

_"When was the wedding and the toasting?" **Mrs Everdeen**_ accuses.

_"There wasn't one."_ I answer quickly.

_"Well, they had that big thing about our wedding in the Capitol but we had our private toasting before." **It's Mellarkable what that Peetalicious Baker Makes**_ answers as quickly as me.

_"And when did you give birth to these children?"_ My mother continues.

_"I haven't got any children!"_ My laptop is in danger again of being thrown now.

_"Well, you heard about the first child when it was the Quarter Quell."_ **_It's Mellarkable what that Peetalicious Baker Makes_** begins.

_"I thought she lost the baby."_ **_Mrs Everdeen_** interrupts.

_"I didn't have a baby to lose!"_ Am I being ignored?

_"No, they just didn't want all the publicity on her pregnancy whilst the Rebellion was going on." **It's Mellarkable what that Peetalicious Baker Makes**_ explains something that isn't real.

_"So when did she have it?" **Mrs Everdeen**_ asks.

_"She gave birth to our daughter when we had both returned to District Twelve." **It's Mellarkable what that Peetalicious Baker Makes**_ answers.

_"The second?"_ **_Mrs Everdeen_** presses the subject on, wanting to know about everything that didn't happen.

_"She was desperate for another child but I told her to wait, so our son was born a couple of years later." **It's Mellarkable what that Peetalicious Baker Makes**_ lies.

_"Katniss, you weren't even twenty!"_ My mother complains.

But I'm not there to argue anymore. I've slipped downstairs and quickly out to the front of the house.  
I glance at my phone and read from **_It's Mellarkable what that Peetalicious Baker Makes_**, "I know, I told her that we were moving too fast but she told me that she loafed me more than the world and she wanted to marry me and have my child before we could both possibly die in the Games or in the Rebellion."

_"Katniss promised I could be the bridesmaid!"_ **_The Prim and Proper Little Duck_** argues. I don't want to sound bitter but I'm sure she'll win points.

_"And, doughnut worry, you will. We are having a proper ceremony here, in District Twelve soon so everyone can come." **It's Mellarkable what that Peetalicious Baker Makes**_ promises something that he has no chance of keeping as I silently climb through the window to his kitchen. Instead of baking now, he's currently seated at the table with his laptop in front of him.

I creep behind him and then grab his shirt, slamming him against the wall. "Don't you dare _ever_ say something like that again, you lovesick moron!" I shout.

He looks a little scared but still manages to smile, wrapping a floury arm around my waist, his other hand tapping my nose. "I've only told the truth, my dear," he mutters as I wriggle out of his grip, still holding him against the wall though.

"You know you haven't!" I complain. "I have not and never will marry you. I did not and never will love you. I have not and never will have your children. Get your facts straight, Mr Mellark."

"I will as soon as you do, Mrs Mellark," he bargains, grabbing my wrist as I try to leave and pulling me back.

"Don't touch me," I hiss. "And I am not Mrs Mellark. You know as well as anyone else that I never want to get married or have children."

His smirk grows. "But I have changed your feelings, haven't I?"

"No!" I push him away from me as I stomp out of the house, throwing the front door open and leaving it swinging on its hinges as I sprint back to my house. I lock the door carefully after getting inside, then quickly making my way back to my bedroom. I check my laptop and the number of wedding invitation acceptances are unbelievable.

**_The Prim and Proper Little Duck:_**_ "Thank you! I've been waiting for you to get married for so long! This day's going to be the best day ever. I can't wait to see my niece and nephew dressed up. I'll help if you need anything."_

**_District Eleven is Never Rue'd: _**_"I'm so pleased too! You've deserved to be together since you met! I can't wait!"_

**_Her Madgesty of District Twelve:_**_ "See, Katniss, you never believed me at school when I told you about how he looked at you. I told you that he had wanted it for his whole life. We'll finally get to hear the vows he's been writing since he first saw you."_

**_Odair's the Finntastic Sex God of Panem:_**_ "Hey, maybe if you're lucky, your wedding will be as good as mine and Annie's. I look forward to seeing if it is."_

**_The Increstable Miss Cresta:_**_ "Don't be so rude, Finnick, darling. They're going to have a great wedding. We'll bring little Finn with us."_

**_My Outfits are Cinnasational:_**_ "I presume you want a dress that wasn't designed by the Capitol, Katniss. I can make a new one."_

**_'Twill be Great:_**_ "Yeah, if you wanted, Bonnie and I could help Cinna with the dress."_

**_A Bonnie Lass:_**_ "I'm happy to do that."_

**_The Ever-Effiecient Trinket: _**_"I'll start making the schedule for it now. We wouldn't want to be late."_

**_Everyone Loves a Snowman:_**_ "Finally, Miss Everdeen. You're finally proving to me that Mr Mellark is the one for you. I hope it's as good as we've hoped for."_

"For Pete's sake!" I shout at the top of my voice when I finish reading the comments. "Peeta I'm going to kill you." I bury my face in my pillow and scream in annoyance and hatred.

After a few minutes of hiding and continuous beeping from my laptop, I crawl out from beneath my sheets and drag the computer over to me. I lay on my front and stare at the screen, my mouth hanging open as I read what was said in my absence.

_"Everyone here's invited, and anyone else who has commented,"_ announced **_It's Mellarkable what that Peetalicious Baker Makes._** "We will send out an official invite later, with all the real details."

_"I am really invited? I didn't think the mockingjay would want me there."_ **_Everyone Loves a Snowman_** said.

_"I'm sure I can persuade her. I mean, there's no reason rye we should shut the person out who brought us together."_ **_It's Mellarkable what that Peetalicious Baker Makes_** replied.

**_The Ever-Effiecient Trinket_** then told, _"I will tell Haymitch. I'm sure he'd enjoy the party afterwards at least, though that's not the point."_

_"I just can't believe that you have two kids!" **The Prim and Proper Little Duck**_ admitted.

_"I know, Prim. It's still a shock for me, kind of. It just makes me so happy that she loafs me." **It's Mellarkable what that Peetalicious Baker Makes** _answers.

I frown and then quickly type, _"Gale will not treat me in this way."_

_"But Gale's not your husband and he won't put buns in your oven for free! Xxxx" _Peeta argues.

I cringe at his comment. _"He'd shoot me a squirrel from a mile away though."_

_"Would you rather have a squirrel or cheese buns? Xxxx"_ He asks.

_"Can I not have both?"_ I reason.

_"I'm not having a threesome! Xxxx"_ He says.

My mouth drops open even further and I fall down onto the keyboard, deleting the mess I made before I type, _"I'm glad about that!"_

_"%) Xxxx"_ Is his all he retorts.

I don't know what I'm expected to say after that so it takes me a while to write, _"I think there's something wrong with your face, Peeta."_

_"Is it purple?"_ Soon appears on the screen in front of me.

_"What's purple? Is your face purple? Well, purple's not my favourite colour, you should know that..."_ I write in response, unsure of what his message means.

_"You know, Catnip, I think you rejecting Bread Boy has finally taken its toll on him. I reckon he's raided Haymitch's liquor supplies."_ **_Gale Hawthorne_** says, suddenly appearing in the conversation.

_"I reckon you're probably right."_ I reply.

_"But is it really true? Do you really have two kids and are planning to get married?"_ He asks.

I sigh. _"No, it's not true. Please don't believe what everyone's saying."_

_"She's lying, Gale! It's the baby that's effecting what she's saying! She is marrying Peeta and they decided you couldn't come so you couldn't object!"_ **_Odair's the Finntastic Sex God of Panem_** interrupts with.

_"Shut it, Odair."_ I don't think I can quite send my annoyance through a computer.

No one replies to my comment so I climb out of bed and wander over to the window. I glance out and see Gale standing on the doorstep to Peeta's house. Raising my eyebrow when Peeta opens the door and invites my best friend in, I run back for my laptop, quickly sending a message that reads, _"Peeta, I can see you. Are you and Gale friends now?"_

I wait for about an hour for a reply to come, but nothing follows. Eventually, _I_ send another message. _"Are you having an affair with Gale?"_ I fall asleep waiting for the answer.

* * *

I wake the next day as the sun rises, filtering through the windows that I didn't cover last night. I turn my computer back on and _still_ find no reply. Enraged because he's ignoring me and not because I want to talk to him, I type an angry, _"ARE YOU IGNORING ME?!"_ and then hit send.

* * *

A sudden beep causes me to open my eyes, staring around the room I lay in. Nothing's changed for the past two days, and that's including me- I've been laying in the same place, in the same clothes waiting for Peeta's reply. Not that I'm desperate or something along those lines.

Rubbing my eyes, I switch my laptop on _again_, allowing a faint smile to cross my lips as I finally find an answer. However, the smile is wiped when I read, _"Are you leaving me for Gale? :( Xx"_ and then, _"Gale is a twat."_

Finding myself instantly awake, my fingers fly across the keyboard, typing my angry response: "_Just wait. You don't reply for two days and then you say THAT! That's really mean, Peeta. Accusing me of leaving you when I was never with you AND offending my best friend. That's not nice. That's a new low."_

I don't need to wait long this time to get an answer. _"I don't care. You give love a bad name."_

I stare at the screen in shock for a moment. What in the two days changed his mind from the fact that we were planning our wedding with two kids to how I'm having an affair with my best friend? This is why I don't like him.

_"Seriously, Peeta?"_ I type. _"You're really upsetting to a girl who needs to recover from mental instability. IS IT THE TRACKER JACKER VENOM WORKING ON YOU AGAIN? Because even if it is, it still hurts. I mean, you don't even send me any kisses anymore *cries*" _I send it then add,_ "And you're not even saying 'loaf'. That was your little quirk."_

A series of messages from **_It's Mellarkable what that Peetalicious Baker Makes_** follow my one: _"Katniss, I am so sorry. I'm trying to fight it :( Xxxx"_

_"MUST... KILL... KATNISS..."_

_"You pretended to love me in order to survive! That's low :O"_

I pause because he is kind of right. I didn't actually love him so I just played a game so we _both_ survived. Later on, the act of loving him was for other people too, it was just maybe not ever for him.

However, I still say in reply, _"Don't put the blame on me now! I'm going to woods... On my own... And I'm crying too..."_

Just as I am about to log out, bored of his quickly changing moods, I receive, _"): I loaf you soooo much! :( help me! Xxxx"_

I frown. _"You've changed your tune."_

* * *

It's been three days since Peeta last sent a message so I'm beginning to get a little worried now. It's not because I love him or anything of the sort, but because I'm the only family figure he has left, beside from the drunk, and. He could be hurt.

I walk over to the window and look towards Peeta's house, seeing not one light turned on inside. I sigh, thinking I should probably check on him. Then I hear a beep from my computer and I spring back to my bed, throwing my computer open to see a new reply.

_"Are you alright, Catnip? I'm out in the woods and you're not."_ Is the message from **_Gale Hawthorne._**

I sink down into my pillow and pull my laptop onto my lap. _"Yeah, I'm at home. I'm fine though, I just didn't fancy going out this week."_

_"Please tell me you're not waiting for the baker to reply."_ He answers after a few minutes.

_"Of course I'm not."_ I reply without missing a beat.

_"He's probably busy, baking bread or something. Don't get hung up on what he says about the two of you because we all know he's lying."_ He reasons.

I smile. If I were to shut my eyes, I'd be able to feel his arms around me, comforting me. Not that I need him anyway; I'm a free woman, I don't need a man to hold me back. _"Yep."_ I say, jumping out of my skin when the next message appears.

_"I loaf you, Katniss! Xxxx" **It's Mellarkable what that Peetalicious Baker Makes**_ suddenly interrupts, again finally returned.

_"Don't believe him, Catnip, you know you shouldn't." **Gale Hawthorne**_ argues.

He's right, so I type, _"I'm having none of that; go and stick your head in an oven."_

_"That's not fair! :( Xx" **It's Mellarkable what that Peetalicious Baker Makes**_ complains, the face portrayed by the computer characters pretty accurate to the one he actually pulls.

_"You need to make your mind up! Go and bake some bread and think about it." _I may have been waiting for his message for a while but that doesn't mean I'm going to give in.

_"You tell him, girl!"_ Is my friend's encouragement.

The two of us talk for a few more hours, others occasionally chipping in until **_Gale Hawthorne_** tells me that he's got something else he needs to do. Slightly offended that I'm not the only person on his mind, I let him go and then stare at the screen, eventually writing and sending, _"Come on, Peeta, it doesn't take that long to make some bread."_

Later that night, by the time that I have given up with ever being able to have a proper conversation with Peeta, I leave my room for dinner. I dare not talk all through the meal, in case someone brings up the marriage or the children, and I therefore escape without problems.

I make it back to my room and see that a list has been made by **_It's Mellarkable what that Peetalicious Baker Makes._**

_"Glimmer: Three cakes, two boxes of cookies, and a cupcake. _

_Cato: A box of mixed varieties of bread. _

_Prim: Two cookies with an orange flower on top. _

_When Haymitch works out the password: A loaf of bread which works for hangovers."_

A final message appears with, _"**It's Mellarkable what that Peetalicious Baker Makes** has gone to bake some bread."_

* * *

**Author's Note: I am ****_sooooooo _****sorry for an ****_unbelievably _****long wait for this chapter. It's not really a good excuse but I've been caught up with my other fanfics and I've had trouble working out to say some of the things I know I need to. But it's up now and I hope I'll be able to stick to a schedule better for this.**

**But, as a last thing, I'll be really impressed if you review or PM me with what you think the password is. No one on here has got it yet... ;)**


	4. Hiatus

I'm going to put all my stories- except for _I Volunteer_- on hiatus for a bit. I'm sorry if you're all going to hate me for this but, basically, I want to finish _I Volunteer_ before summer and, on top of all of my exams, I'm not going to have the time to update everything, in addition to finishing that particular story. So I'll carry on writing chapters for _I Volunteer_ and updating it when I can, but I will begin re-updating all my other stories once that the prologue of _I Volunteer_'s sequel is up.

My plan for after that, though, is:

To replace _I Volunteer _with its sequel

Finish _Safe With Mellark_- this won't have a sequel

Start updating _And From Those Moments _again, after _Safe With Mellark_is done

To continue updating _Secrets In Love_- this currently has forty two chapters planned, plus an epilogue and a prologue, and it will have a sequel

To update _Now Give Us A Kiss _whenever I have the chance, like I was before

And to use the forum I have created for _Panem Facebook: Fights and Fantasies _to have other authors who are willing to write chapters for this story- PM me if you're interested

Thank you for understanding, and I hope it's not too much!

**- MissBunburyHope**


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